How to be a wife to a hardworking husband? I have to say there are really days that I doubt my abilities and my actions. Much like in motherhood, these doubtful days are those you think you are right and can do more, but are not just in that position to be confident. But on these days that I feel like I am lacking, that’s when my husband will send me a text message out of the blue telling me that I am doing a good job, or will stay up late at night proofreading my blogs, or will ask me to go out on a dinner or movie date, or simply let me finish my meal while he takes care of a running toddler. I would have to say that husbands also know how to read our cues, especially at times when they feel that we doubt ourselves and we are sad for feeling that we are not good enough. His gestures, no matter how simple or grand – probably not intentional – is my validation that maybe, just maybe, I am doing something right.
I am writing this post for myself, I guess, this is to remind me of who I am and the relationships I have. I have so many questions about my different roles, as a mother, as a wife, and as a career woman, that sometimes, I could never pinpoint what my one purpose really is. And hence, this blog post. Since Neat Obsessions came about, this became another outlet of passion, but as it grew, and as I make other moms happy, I honestly always comes back to that question of me being a good enough mother, knowing that I have lesser time for my children. Or a good enough wife, knowing that I would have divided my 17 hours of being awake further to yet another activity other than to have a meaningful conversation with my husband. Or am I a good daughter and sister who could have enough time to squeeze in a simple “hello, how are you doing?” to my family. I think most of you have asked that same question to yourself and had to assess where you are in your life. But let me try to tell you now, you are not alone, and we will resolve this together. Let me start with the first and I guess the second one – as a wife and as a mom.
Sometimes we tend to feel guilty on things that we’re not supposed to. We always put too much weight and burden on our shoulders on things that we actually do not have 100% control of. Or would always be on a defense and hide our apparent weakness. Truth is, our husbands sometimes also need reciprocal gestures to know they are acknowledged. To make sure they are being checked if they are still relevant. I am fortunate that my son goes to a school where they really give importance to parent relationships and couple guidance. One thing that struck me during the new parent program is this idea that men ultimately needs acknowledgment. I translated it to my husband of course. That on these busy days where there are so many distractions, validation can come in so many different ways, and apparently, that’s the primary thing that men need. Well, it seems to work for me and I’m sticking to it. I hope it works for you too. How did I do it you ask? Well, while the mommy list is endless, we also have to remember that most of us were a wife first before we became a mom. Of course, some of the moms have become mothers before they met their partners (or haven’t yet). Both are wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but not because of the sake of prioritizing one over the other, but for the idea that we did decide to jump into of having partners for life because we decided it is the right thing to do. A beautiful hard decision, and ultimately notoriously puzzling thing. But here I am, trying to be everything to everyone… at least to everyone who matters, solving this puzzle. Let’s all acknowledge that being a mom and wife nowadays is not easy… It is of hard work and dedication. Something that we all have to acknowledge. Something that we all have to understand that we can never resolve everything all at once. If one day you feel like you do, believe me, there’s another challenge down the road, waiting for us to take care of it. And this is beautiful. This is life. May I ask you not to get too depressed and believe in yourself (probably talking to myself now…) that you can do it. I think I am still struggling, but I think I am making a good change for myself.
I am not saying I am perfect and knows exactly how to be both the best wife and mother but when I have the opportunity to be one, I happily and readily do it. As simple as packing for his trip, researching a diet regimen or a meal plan, quick massages (yes, quick is enough! Lol), staying up late with him watching a series you don’t understand. You’ll be surprised that the simple things we do for our hubbies are sometimes a key for them to appreciate the love we share. Being married is both hard work and dedication. But it’s really understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses that make a lasting impact. Oh, and just like what my husband always says… “Smile!” make it a bit easier…
Father’s day is over and our kids have already smothered them with hugs and kisses. Now it’s our turn to celebrate them in full circle and make them feel that all of their efforts are sincerely appreciated. Belated Happy Father’s day to your partners… this is a late post because we had a quick family time off over the weekend but I feel like I need to post this for me… Stay Neat everyone!